Session 11&12 - S2E01 - Before the Dawn Pt 1 - The Bloodcove Disguise

The team has returned to Absalom,

Aram Zey - Master of Spells (the Pathfinder Master of Spells) uses a scroll that crumbles to dust as its power is spend. The town fades and we warp into a hot rainforest.Mawangi Expanse:

Looking for

Azlanti (very technological civilization that pissed off gods because they claimed to be peers) Azlanti Ridge dig site - location of interest by several powers including Ruthazek the Silverback King (hyper intelligent gorilla that claims the Mawangi Expanse and rules over sentient ape men attacking the site.Small city that is straddling river delta (buildings on stilts).

BloodCove

- Town founded by pirates. Watch your arrrrrrrrse.Aspice Consortium

- Powerful muscle/political element in BloodCove.Senzer Rulekep -

Potion expert. Has a store in BloodCove on the western edge of the city. Rulekep Tonics. Had been supplying potions to the digsite until he went quiet.House Cartahegn

- Best bet of factions to get the supplies that are needed : 5 crates of arrows, clean dressings, 2 tons of food. Asram has provided us gold, scrollcase of digsite (if opened within 5 miles of BloodCove, will explode), and a key that matches a door at the site. A caravan has been hired under Ramando Scavola who knows we are with Pathfinder Society.... who can be found at the Wandering Way club.Alanzo

- Was playing cards with Scavolo (200 gp - 1200gp) and lost his horse team - 300gp paid for the horses.We get to Senzer's Tonics, and Senzer is there... There are "patrons" about. He glance around and when nobody is looking, mouths "help". The "patrons" tell Senzer to shut up.. Brayden mindfears the fuck at of one of them. The patrons flex up and Brayden is intimidated. Ash thwacks another fucker with the flats of his blades. Apparently, its on...

The party is confused (as usual) if we should do lethal or non lethal combat. Ash - Flats of blades. Aegnor - Fire.. Brayden - Grapples and holds a guy. Skaar - Power attack for a full gutting slash.. Let's try again... Ash whaps the held guy non-lethally. Aegnor burning hands another guy into a cinder.. Nope, still not aligned on what we're trying to accomplish. Finally, the last guy is tapped out.

Lura Ichon

(summon mental image of Lucy Liu purely based on name) - Coordinated the enforcers. Senzer's son was sick. She promised as cure. Gave small amounts to stop him from getting sick. Senzer demands the cure in return for the supporting the site with potions. She works out of the Sanguine Pit.So, to Senzer. We have two things to do. We need the cure so you will help us, and we need provisions. The only solution: delegate. A comforting hand on Senzers shoulder. A smile. A reassuring look. "Senzer... buddy. You're going to get the goddman supplies. If you don't... Well, if you dont, we will let your son die. Them I will raise him and parade him around as my undead servant. Hint: You don't want this."

The Sanguine Pit is a massive bar. There is a 15' square aquarium where a Swamp Baraacuda and Giant Lobster are fighting. Everyone is betting. There is a rotund version of Lucy Liu who smells like Cheetos and Taco Bell .. And there is also a 7' version of her but hot and ripped. A giant Lucy Liu. Like from Charlie's Angels version. Hot.. Tall. Well built. You can smell her feminine hotness. Both have a rune on their head that looks like they are linked (but some summoning magic). Apparently Ms. Cheetos is the bar owner. Wah--wahhhhhhh..

Pinchy demands Aegnor bets on the lobster... the lobster rips into the barracuda's gils and rips out his entrails. Aegnor wins!! Pinchy asks for a high-two.

Aegnor is deemed the lead diplomat because we suddenly forgot what skill scores are.. He walks up.. "Bitch.. We want the cure, and... I really need something to stop my dick from dripping." She says "uh.. Senzer has more important things to do other than stopping dripping dicks. Roll initiative". And THAT is how diplomacy works...

Lucy Liu Lawless (Bellu) double fist thumps Aegnor in the melon for a 17 point bell ringer... Not good.. not good. Wulfbaela's wrestling intro music plays, he enters and points to her and calls her out in a challenge.

Aegnor brings down an arc of fire. WOOOooosshh! 14 points, but she seems to shake it off better than she should.

Ms. Cheetos smiles... and drinks an invisibility potion. *wink*. A ring of people are forming cheering on the fight. And betting starts! Fight! Fight! FIGHT!

Wulfbaela send a bag of flour into the air and a thin outline appears. That bitch.. We could smell the Chalupas she ate anyway.

Skaar says in berserk rage "Arraarararrrrrrr" onto Bellu. Translated: "I will crit for 25 points of damage, and then cleave onto the invisible outline. "

Aegnor (again, with the lack of understanding of why non-lethal damage would EVER be situationally appropriate) casts burning hands for 16. Fucking WOOOOoooooooossh! (Somewhere, Senzer is working hard go gather gear because Team Badass promised a cure for his son. He probably winced from that fire strike)

Unshakeable chill. Thump in the head. As she comes to wondering who the hell these people even ARE: "Pucker up, Buttercup. Thou shalt amend your villainous ways!' She arches a bloodied eyebrow and sputters.. "Nobody actually talks like that. Even in fantasy settings." "True dat..True dat. Look hussy. Stop fucking with Senzer, give us the cure,and don't be such a cun..." "Woah woah.. Dont use that word", she interjects. "Fair.", we say... "Run a legit business. Pay Senzer. And give to the United Way". She agrees. And we leave.

After all of that... We meet Senzer. We have the cure! With baited breath we look for the caravan laden with supplies... And.... this mother fucker doesnt have the stuff. Cartagena was closed. We vow to slay his son... later...

Cartagena was closed because giant ants are chowing down on their sugar supplies. Team Badass agrees to shut this problem down... for a deep discount on supplies. "We'll make the ants cry... uncle?" Everone rolls their eyes. Skaar doesn't even get it. Dumbass...

So we find the pit of giant ants, and the fighter-types shine. *Bap* *Wham* *Slash* *Pow*.

Cartahgena- "You guys are the shit. You can knock 300gp off the bill. Keep it. Buy yourself something nice." They give us 10% off all purchase on merchandise that is mundane. A promo code for stuff we need, but would rather have magic things.

The caravan is saddled up..

Next stop: The apemen...[Commercial break]

.... and... we're back (2/1/2019)

On the caravan, the heroes sing noble songs of times gone to pass the time...

"Brayden got da scrollcase.

Skar done got da key..

Ash will take a big cack... fo' a tiny fee."

(the party giggles each time). Even hours later, Skaar is still humming the tune. (hum hum hum ha-hum-hum. humhum hum da key)

A dark skinned woman shows up. She presumptiously requests the key... We play dumb.. She says "A simple exchange... Your key for our silence." Skaar, holding the key.. Furtively glancing down every.... fucking.... time... she says the word "Key"... moves up.. raises a hand. and says "Uh.. No..."

* Flash...* Two soldiers who had popped onto the trail were instantly incinerated by a burnings hands.

Ash leaps from the caravan and charges Xeanja (our mocha skinned honeypot).

The lead bitch drops a web on the caravan and seriously fucks up combat for the good guys. There is some back and forth battling... And out of the corner of Braydens eye, he sees a lizard slide into a Skaar's codpiece. The party asks what, in the heat of combat, Brayden was doing looking at codpieces. *Blush* (hiding his copy of Playghourl magazine) Aegnor dumps waves of fire into the webs and douses them in an inferno. Skaars pants are cooked to a cinder, revealing a silky pink leather g-string, and his key is dangling from his... Orc-bits. A lizard is dangling from the key. Shit... just ... got .... wierd.. Combat is not exactly over, but why is there a lizard in Skaars pantaloons? Is this an episode of scaly skinned felching? If there was a cardboard tube, it has gone up into ash (like Ms. Feathers... Get it? NOOCH). But hold on... What the FUCK is he in a pink leather G-string. On a half-orc? A darting glance over at the lady, and she is shaking her head. She exhales.. "What a day..." Combat resumes...

So... Joe incinerates the witch... As flesh melts, she points back and says "Good luck Pathfinders.. . But move switftly.. For others are looking to pick your bones." Flocks of birds take off down the trail behind us, and a cloud of dust arises. About an hour and a half behind us....

[... and cut]